In the near certainty of today’s vote, I refuse to surrender to bitterness.
Bitterness is a vile pill, a pointless and destructive one as well.
Bitterness: It will make you ill, it will eat you from the inside out, it will render you as hateful and as vile as your oppressors.
I’ve tasted that pill many times in my life, as I experienced the horrors of my childhood, the loss of my sister, the violence of an abusive first marriage and the depression of losing another, more dear husband, to alcoholism.
I’ve tasted that pill when, in the mornings, I wake to chronic and intense pain, to stomach ailments that seem so unfair. I’ve tasted it when I’ve seen others in pain. At least, so far, I’ve been able to shake it off and enjoy productive days despite the pain. Many others have not been so fortunate.
I’ve tasted that pill when, and I’m being brutally honest here, I’ve seen other talents rise mightily while my personal success has not always flourished, even though I know with certainty that not all of those rising stars rose based on merit. My own past has hurt my confidence. Confidence, along with hard work and talent is necessary to achieve full success. I own that, and I take responsibility for it.
And now I’m tasting that vile pill again, as #WeTheWomen are being told our word is worthless in the face of the powerful and the mighty, the arrogant and the strong.
I will taste that pill for a moment. I’ll allow its putrid flavor to steel my will, to remind me this fight is not only for a day, but for a year, a century, a millennium.
So, while we’ve clearly lost this battle, there will be other battles in the war for justice, for gender and racial equality, for safety for the vulnerable.
I hereby SPIT this pill onto the ground, I release myself from bitterness, and I move on to the next battle, clear eyed and certain that one day, and it may not be long from now, there will be a reckoning. It will not fall like pie from the sky. We will have to fight long and hard for it.
But #WeTheWomen know how to fight!
Please feel free to share my story and the link that follows:
I suffered for many years, both before and especially after her death, from deep chronic depression. Many times I flirted with the notion of suicide, even went so far as to make a couple of half-hearted attempts when very young. One day I’ll write about Debbie and those days, even if no one reads it. Her memory deserves the chronical.
On this day, at almost exactly this very moment 16 years ago, our world changed forever.